A Selfish, Silly Little Sinner.

Anger, Embarrassment, Infatuation, Frustration, Resentment --- It's amazing how easily these emotions can grip our entire self and rock our actions out of control.
Last night, around... oh, 9:58, my mom informed me that I needed to put my book down and get ready for bed. Perhaps it was the book, or my mood, or (as i would like to think) my mom's irritated tone, but, whatever the case, I could feel the bubbles and geysers of indignation rise up in my chest. In the most conversational voice I could manage, I informed my mom that I still had a full two minutes until my bedtime. To which she (curtly) replied that, if my room was not ready, nor my my pajamas on, I would not be on time getting to bed. Especially now that another minute had passed.
That all-consuming indignation? Yeah... kicking in right about here. And the frustrating part-- I knew that she was right and I should have been getting ready for bed. So I bit my tongue, holding back a torrent of rude, selfish, hurtful things that one should never say to their mother. (& yes, i freely admit-- I was being a straight-up BAD example here.)  So I then said "goodnight" to both her and Derek, and walked up to my room in order to make that "all-important" bedtime.
And as I lay in bed, thinking up all sorts of nasty things to say if ever given the chance (umm.. yeah right), I began to marvel at just how much that singular feeling, that false indignation, was consuming me. If you can ever relate, you must realize just how difficult it is, in such a situation, to think about anything else. (Especially at bedtime, I mean... I always do my BEST thinking then... but that's a topic for another blog.)
I still need to apologize specifically about this to my mom... (& please, don't think that this is just a rant against her. I love my mom. A whole lot.) and, in a selfish way, I still don't think my apology is deserved...
But then, once I've let the feeling subside, I begin to realize how petty it is and how foolish my actions can be. I think I've learned my lesson for the day.

And Jesus? Thank you for never giving up on a selfish, silly little sinner like me.